Rock the Vote!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you ever have one of those days when you had some great ideas about things to write about but just couldn’t make the transition from idea to paper?  I have been having just such a day.  No wonder my donation button has been pushed about zero times and all I’ve collected is twenty-seven cents and that was from pay pal to verify my bank account.

Although I am still suffering from writer’s block I’d like to share an interesting observation I noticed today.  In DeKalb County Georgia the lines to vote early was estimated to be seven hours long.  I do not know the racial demographic of that particular county but a best guess estimate is that about 99% of those lining up to vote were black.  But more importantly I saw a lot of young and probably first time voters.

I recently wrote an article stressing that fact that I vote not only because it is my civic duty but for all those who were killed, beaten, water hosed, and had all other types of atrocities committed against them in securing my right to vote.  I’d like to think that all of those on the other side are smiling at what is going on in this election.  At this point in time I do not care what other people think is behind the huge African-American turnout.  Are some voting simply because Obama is black?  Probably so.  But I suspect that most have some idea of what the real issues are.  Primarily because when white people are in a recession, most blacks are in a depression.  See my donation button now?  Brother, can you spare a dime? LOL.  Just kidding.

 Anyway, it is what it is.  I really don’t know what effect twelve percent of the population can have on a national election.  But when you couple that with a large percentage of the Hispanic population that is breaking for Obama and progressive whites it’s a recipe for victory.  Can this truly be the time when there is no white, black, Asian, Hispanic, or Native America but just one America?  I’d like to think so.  Then we can accurately say that we as a nation are a melting pot instead of the tossed salad we’ve been all along.

Filed under: Politics , black communities, early voting, obama, presidential election

McCain Spokesman Can’t Name Obama’s “Anti-Semitic” Pals!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed under: Politics , anti semetic, cnn, john mccain, mike goldfarb, rick sanchez, spokesman

Witch!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before the $150,000 makeover!  Happy Halloween from eehard’s weblog!

Filed under: Humor and Satire , halloween, sarah palin, witch

Joe Biden Shocker!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the night prior to appearing on Meet the Press, Joe Biden was at the Articulate and Clean Bar in downtown Washington, DC downing shots and drinking beer with a group of buddies. The verbose Senator and vice presidential candidate was telling the group his latest version of his life story that somehow, eerily mirrored that of Green Acres actress Eva Gabor.  Leaving the bar, Biden stepped into a local drug store to buy a few toiletries since he was spending the night in town instead of taking the train home.  Half drunk, he bought Miracle Grow plant food instead of regular shampoo.

Somehow the Miracle Grow had an adverse effect on his hair plugs and when he awoke the next morning he had a head full of hair and a beard.  Undeterred, he made it to the NBC studio to tape Meet the Press with Tom Brokaw.  Responding to Brokaw’s question on what it would be like in the first few days of an Obama Administration Biden replied:  “Obama will be tested by God pitting Obama against the Anti-Christ in a 15 minute steel cage death match.  He will not win it because he has steel in his spine but because I’ll be in his corner with holy water from Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow Catholic Church!”

On a commercial break, an operative from the Obama campaign took out a billy club and whacked Biden on the head knocking him out.  In a press release the Obama campaign announced that the Senator was taken to Bethesda Naval Medical Center where he was being treated for exhaustion.  However, our sources are reporting that he is being held pending an emergency haircut and a shave and will have his mouth wired shut until after the election!

Filed under: Humor and Satire, Politics , election, hair plugs, joe biden, vice president

Obamaman!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Associated Mess has obtained a copy of tonight’s infomercial Barack Obama’s Campaign is running on seven different networks.  In a shocking announcement Obama claims that it is true that he was not born in Hawaii as many have questioned, but on the planet Kenyanite in its capitol city of United States of America.  The campaign stresses the fact that the constitution does not rule out being born on another planet as a disqualifier.  Mr. Obama tells us that he was sent here by his father Leroyel to prevent the poor from stealing from the rich.  He also claims that his real message is not “Hope and Change that we Can Believe In,” but “Dope and Spare Change and More of the Same!”

In another shocking revelation, Mr. Obama will announce that if he wins the election that he will abandon the suit and tie apparel traditionally worn by former presidents and instead will don tights and a cape.  He will also announce that he would not want to be addressed as Mr. President because it sounds too elitists.  He suggests that he be addressed simply as Obamaman! 

Mr. Obama will also address his first major legislation act known as “The Arugula and Green Tea Initiative.”  Briefly, every American that says hello to his/her neighbor at least twice a week will receive a year’s supply of each item.

Filed under: Humor and Satire, Politics , barack obama, presidential election, superman

Post Election Penthouse Spread!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am pleased to announce that the Associated Mess has been nominated for 6 Pinocchio awards for fabrication of journalism.  While we are not standing by any story we write, we are not flat out denying them either.  We look forward to going head to head with the National Enquirer.  Let the best news organization win!

In another shocking development coming out of the McCain campaign, the Associated Mess has learned that Sarah Palin has signed an exclusive contract with Penthouse Magazine for a full spread, all done in the very best possible taste. 

One of our reporters caught up with her on the campaign trail and confronted the vice presidential candidate who confirmed the story by saying “You betcha, this hockey mom is going to milk my popularity for every nickel.  Todd can’t win the snowmobile race every year and I just might get impeached.  A girl has got to take advantage of every opportunity she gets! (Wink, Wink)”

The Associated Mess has obtained the proof sheet of some of the upcoming photos.  Rock on hockey mom!

Filed under: Humor and Satire , alaska, governor, penthouse magazine, sarah palin, vice president

Meet the Press Badly!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, while watching Meet the Press I watched a man who would be president, thoroughly embarrass himself.  John McCain could not answer one of Tom Brokaw’s relatively softball questions without resorting to fall back on his campaign’s talking points.  And he struggled with those as well.  It was quite shocking that McCain became dumbfounded when he could not remember the names of the former secretaries of state that endorse him.  I also found him to be agitated and somewhat combative.

Monday – I have noticed two different tones emanating from the two campaigns.  Obama is calm, cool, and collected.  At his campaign rallies whenever some members of the crowd start to boo McCain, he is quick to point out that we don’t need any of that.  What we need is your vote he espouses.  Conversely, at McCain and Palin rallies they use such inflammatory language that they let the boos and anti-Obama comments go unchecked.  Just today it was announced that that a planned attempt on Obama’s life was foiled by one of the alphabet agencies of the U.S. Government.

What is painfully obvious is that McCain; a man that I was once respected, has been reduced to the type of man that he so vigorously derided during the 2000 presidential campaign.  It’s no wonder Sarah Palin has abandoned ship and gone renegade.  She is clearly positioning herself for a run in 2012.  Unfortunately for her, a run for the presidency would further expose her as the intellectually incurious champion on a par with our current dumbass Commander in Grief. 

The ultimate failure of McCain’s run for the presidency, which I believe was his for the taking until the economy collapsed, was selecting Palin as his running mate and going negative.  In a man whose ambition was to eclipse the greatness of his father and his grandfather has come up short because the ambition of the son was not equal to the abilities of his forbearers…

Filed under: Politics , barack obama, failure, john mccain, meet the press, presidential election, sarah palin

New Campaign Strategy for McCain!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The McCain campaign has yet again adopted a new campaign strategy according to several key campaign insiders.  Speaking on the condition of anonymity a very senior member of McCain’s team told an Associated Mess report that “We’ve tried everything from Reverend Wright to Bill Ayers, to Joe the Plumber, and the whole ridiculous Socialist agenda,” our source said.  “Nothing sticks to that man, so in the last week of the campaign, we are appealing to Americans who wish to once again become a colony of Great Brittan.”  When asked to explain how this notion had any chance of succeeding, our source replied “It a two pronged strategy, we will spend the final week campaigning as the queen of England running for president and if we lose, we have operatives in place to take the real queen out and let John assume the throne!”

Filed under: Humor and Satire, Politics , barack obama, mccain, presidential election, queen of england

New McCain Endoresement!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In another campaign shocker, the Associated Mess has discovered a black group that is publically supporting John McCain for president.  Move over Michael S. Steele. When asked why they were going to endorse McCain, Rufus (Twinkie) Ginsberg, Imperial Wizard of the Smyrna, GA chapter of the Gay Black Jewish Klansmen for Tolerance and Understanding told our reporter “We may be a bunch of sissies, but we need a Commander in Chief who would not be afraid to stick it up the ass of the Iranians!”  This ought to quell the fears that Obama will get 100% of the black vote.

Photo Source:  http://alabamian.net/category/politics/

Filed under: Humor and Satire , black, endorsement, john mccain fan club, presidential election, supporters

Obama When No One Is Watching!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Malia Obama probably wasn’t sure if her Dad would make it home from work to watch her soccer game this past Friday night. 

He’s been pretty busy lately. But her Mom and her little sister would be there.  

The flow of the kids moving the ball down the field, under the lights of a chilly night in October. The families chatting on the sidelines. The starlight glow of downtown Chicago rising up from the north. 

Malia Obama at mid field shouts “Mom!” And the smile, grace, and presence of the woman whose eyes never once leave her daughter—no matter who else she speaks to, waves back and sends a radiant smile. 

In that one wave and smile, you see hope come alive before your very eyes. 

Then just a few minutes after eight; something like a shift in earth’s gravity occurs. To the casual observer, nothing in this scene has changed. That pull of the earth’s power must have been imagined. 

The true city dweller will feel it first, before they even see it.  Blink your eyes and they appear. 

Ringing the shadows of this soccer field are people with guns. Serious people with guns. Like oak trees that move. The phrase, “Not on my watch” flashes through your head.  

You have to look hard to make sure they are even there.   You never really see a gun.   You’re not even sure they are moving.  But when you blink your eyes, somehow their positions have changed.  Something about the way they just appear calms your breathing. Instinctively you know.  

These are the good guys.  

With that feeling of true safety pressed firmly in your very soul; you can remember the real secret at the heart of the city: we of the city are just a million small town kid’s soccer game scenes all strung together.  

So the kids laugh and kick the soccer ball. 

Then some guy in a blue cap walks out of the gym next door. Hands in his pocket, face down, by himself. He walks over to Malia’s Mom, who has 3 conversations going on simultaneously with folks on the sidelines.

The quiet  guy in the blue cap puts his arm around Malia’s Mom. Shakes hands with a couple of the people.  Talks with Malia’s Mom for a minute or two. 

Just then a small miracle occurs.  The quiet guy in the blue cap who nobody in the crowd of really paid all that much attention to; scrunches down so he is face to face with Malia’s little sister Sasha. He lifts up the brim on the cap.

And then, standing 15 feet behind Sasha you see what she’s seeing up close.  You see that smile. That smile that resounds with the very power and the glory of the city lights behind it.  

That smile now almost ready to take it’s place in American history. 

You can’t hear, and are happy not to hear, what he’s saying to his youngest daughter.   But you do hear her giggle. 

Then the father takes the daughter’s hand. The younger daughter. The one who is not in the game. The one who by all rights and purposes and measures any of us know at this time in our history—was destined not to get a lot of attention tonight. 

They move back in the shadows, behind the sideline crowd. Seen only by that quiet show of force here to keep them absolutely safe. 

Then the miracle: they have a foot race.  

While the soccer game is still going on. Just the two of them. Sasha and her Dad take off together, both running at full speed, as fast and then faster than either of them could ever imagine. Sasha laughing, and laughing at the finish line. Her Dad swoops down and picks her up. 

Then that smile. This time only for his daughter.

No one else was looking. It was just for her. 

His youngest daughter’s giggle. It’s the music of his promise to make sure that everyone’s included. 

And this past Friday night in Chicago: Malia Obama’s team won the game. 

http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=31197

Filed under: Politics, Society , Family, obama, true story