When Rap was Cool!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The full story behind this song coming soon!

 

Filed under: Music , it takes two, rob base

Lifetime Achievement Dumbazz!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how many constituents this broad had to fuck to get elected.  Or are the people of Minnesota just plain fucking stupid?  Michele Bachmann is the only person on the face of the earth that makes Sarah Palin look smart.  Click here to see what Michele is up to now.  There is also a great anti Bachmann site here!  Because you are a complete moron, you are awarded my first Lifetime Achievement Dumbazz Award!

Filed under: Politics , glenn beck, michele bachmann, sarah palin

Britney Dumbazz!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

House Minority Whip Eric Cantor better known as Mr. No is my dumbazz of the day.  Not because he is one of the biggest obstructionists on Capitol Hill but beause Mr. No went to a Britney Spears concert last night in Washington, D.C.  If you wanted to look at young flesh, you should have given a call to your buddy Senator David Vitter.  He knows all about young flesh in the metropolitan area.

Filed under: Humor and Satire , britney spears, david vitter, dumbass, eric cantor

The Drugs Don’t Work!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve fallen and can’t get up!  The conclusion.

I finally made it to the Tallahassee Orthopedic Clinic and not a moment to soon.   Of course I expected to be whisked away into the back and be seen immediately.  Shows you how much my dumb ass knows about the inner workings of the medical industry.  I was given a clipboard and told to fill out every form.  No problem I thought until I sat down and saw that I was filling out the equivalent of the Encyclopedia Britannica.  I am thoroughly in favor of treatment first and paperwork never.  Obama, you’d better hurry up with that H.I.T. shit.

As I mentioned earlier, the morphine shot I received at the hospital was wearing off and the pain was beginning to become unbearable.  In fact the pain was starting to beat me up so bad I thought that I was dating Chris Brown.  But there is such a thing as man code and man code simply states that we will not show pain or let anyone know how much pain we are in.  And besides, it’s not as if I was going to get another shot at the clinic.

 But I did suffer the same humiliation as I did at the hospital as the staff tried to determine how I was injured in the first place.  There mere fact that I was walking through the house and heard and felt my bone snap was not good enough.  I wanted to tell them that we were taking shots of Patron and were platform diving off of the bathroom vanity into that bathtub just to get them to shut the fuck up!  Finally satisfied or disgusted they went about removing the splint the hospital had placed on my leg.

I spent the next twenty minutes completely identifying with King Tut.  Although the boy king was unaware that he was being mummified, I wished for nothing more than to be dead as they wrapped the cast around my throbbing leg.  How they can look at an x-ray and say set the foot at 45 degrees was amazing to me.  I was thoroughly relieved when they had finished.  They managed to put what felt like a 75 pound cast on the leg the size of a chicken drumstick.  The leg still hurt like shit but at least I’d be able to go home and get some sleep.  I was so tired I didn’t even feel like stopping yo pick up my percoset.  I got the percoset the following day and while it did temper the pain somewhat, it did not alleviate it altogether.  What kind of country do we live in where you can’t get a decent prescription for morphine?  I guess it was the clinic’s way of saying you should only dive into a pool!

 

Filed under: Humor and Satire , borken leg, morphine, percoset

Gasoline Dumbazz!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet Charlie McCall.  He is currently a guest of the Marion County Sheriff’s Office.  As if nearly beating his girlfriend to death with a tire iron wasn’t enough, this dumbazz poured gasoline into her mouth and threatened to set her on fire.  What were you thinking Charlie?  Gasoline has never been considered a tasty beverage.  Because you are obviously a sick twisted bastard, you are today’s dumbazz!  See good ole boy Charlie’s rap sheet here!

Filed under: Society , charlie mccall

Confederate Heritage!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 This might be an old issue for most Floridans but it is a rather new issue for me as this is the first time I am hearing about this.  Back in August of 2006 a Florida Legislator proposed that this tag be added to the endless list of Florida specialty plates.  I believe that this is still before the Legislature.  Please click the link and watch the video.  Apparently there are no shortages of Uncle Toms in the state of Florida either.

I have no problem with these losers wanting a confederate license plate, but in the spirit of fairness, I have found several others worthy of consideration.  These morons need to take their heads out of their nineteenth century asses and get a grip on reality.  What possible educational programs can the Sons of the Confederacy possibly have?  “How to wear your hood and keep anonymous.”  Or will the money be funneled to its research department to secretly work on their time machine to go back and kill Grant and Sherman?

 

 For more samples, click here.

Filed under: Politics, Society , confederate heritage, florida, florida legislature, ku klux klan, license plate, sons of the confederacy

The Incredible Uber Bitch!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Associated Mess has finally confirmed what we’ve long suspected about conservative pundit Ann Coulter.  The photo clearly shows Coulter as a mutant and the baby sister of the Incredible Hulk.  After Meghan McCain called her out last week, Coulter could not contain her anger and morphed into the Incredible Uber-Bitch!

Meanwhile, b list uber-bitch Laura Ingraham made fun of Meghan McCain’s weight on her radio program.  Watch the video to see Meghan fight back.  You might not like the McCain’s politics but they don’t take crap off of anybody and you have to admire that.

Back to Coulter, eyewitnesses have been reporting to the Associated Mess that the Incredible Uber-Bitch picked up her dick, threw it over her shoulder and screamed “Arrrgggh Arrrgggh must find laura,” as she headed towards the talk radio host’s studios.

Filed under: Humor and Satire, Politics , ann coulter, daily beast, laura ingraham, meghan mccain, the view

The Blind Date!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed under: Humor and Satire , blind date, RecklessTortuga

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!  Part Two.

One should never be discharged from the hospital and be high on morphine at the same time.  A perfect example of this is that when my ride showed up at the emergency room to take me home I tried to get up out wheelchair without the benefit of my crutches.  I thank the orderly who kept me from even making a bigger ass out of myself.  Had he not been there, I would have been a serious candidate for Tallahassee’s first face transplant surgery.

The funny thing about having my accident on a Tuesday evening is that when I eventually made it to the emergency room Wednesday morning it was practically deserted.  So I was in and out in less than two hours.  I am grateful that I didn’t go in on a Friday or Saturday evening where I would have had to take a back seat to all the emergency room visitors with implements stuck in their heads or all of the Lucy Ho buffet eaters mistakenly having heartburn instead of a heart attack.

Anyway, I finally made it home and attempted to crawl into bed.  I was too tired to read the discharge paperwork and missed the prescription for Percoset.  And did I ever need it.  No sooner than I lay my head on my pillow and begun to drift asleep, my mother stuck her head in my room saying “Get up! It’s time to go to the doctor.”  All I can remember saying was “Mommy, I don’t want to go to school today!”

Now, here is where the day started to suck big time.  The orthpedist’ office informed me that I needed to bring a copy of my x-rays with me.  The only problem is that the assholes in the emergency room did not give me any x-rays when they discharged me which meant another trip to the hospital and another dollar to get out of the garage.  We made it back to the emergency room and what I thought would be a five minute wait turned into a 45 minute ordeal.  My mother went in to retrieve the x-rays but due to hospital efficiency, the x-rays had been transferred to Radiology which is in another part of the hospital.  Now, anybody familiar with TMH knows that it is easier to get your driver’s license renewed talking to a stuttering Indonesian Department of Motor Vehicles clerk than it is to find any part of the hospital from the emergency room.

Once she got to the x-ray area, the hospital staffer spent 30 minutes trying to get my x-rays onto a cd.  For whatever reason, the moron was unable to complete the task.  Meanwhile, after reading that day’s edition of the Tallahassee Democrat for the third time, I realized that the morphine was wearing off quite rapidly and that my horoscope for the day predicted more pain.  I wish that I had gotten that prescription filled first.  And when did the Democrat  go from fifty cents to seventy-five cents an issue?  The conclusion coming soon.

Filed under: Humor and Satire , broken leg, Chumbawamba, percoset, Tubthumping

I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember back in the late 1980’s when Life Alert first came onto the scene?  I used to laugh my ass off at the old lady,  seemed like her walker got a flat tire and she took a rather nasty spill.  Of course, the hook was Mrs. Fletcher screaming, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”  That was some funny shit back in the day until last Tuesday.  Last Tuesday, while trying to come back into the house after smoking a cigarette and talking on the phone, my foot clipped the small step up into the living room and I fell awkwardly to the floor and sure as hell, I could not get up.  That shit was not funny.

I was very fortunate that my nephew was here at the house and he helped me up and helped me to get into the bed.  A lot of fucking good that did.  I have had broken bones in the past and let me tell you that the pain for original sin is not that of child birth but rather that of a middle aged man snapping his tibula and fibula from two bones into four.

The only thing more humiliating than hurting yourself is trying to explain to the hospital staff what exactly happened.  “What happened sir?”  “What the fuck do you think happened?  I fell!”  “How did you fall sir?”  Like everyone else dumbazz!”  “Have you had anything to drink tonight sir?”  “Am I on trail here or can I get something for the pain?”  “I’ll get you something sir.”  Then the asshole disappears for forty-five minutes.

In the meantime, while I am on the stretcher writhing in pain, two nursing assistants who were in the final week of a three week work online course from No Health Care Univeristy tried to apply a splint to my poor leg. Nevermind I had yet to be given anything for the pain.  What really irritated the fuck out of me is that these dumb fuck ten thumb nurse wannabees kept asking me how I was feeling.  I refused to give them the satisfaction that i felt like one of Michael Vick’s underperforming dogs.  And just when they had finished putting the splint on my mangled leg, here comes the obese nurse with the phony sympathy and a syringe as large as a grain silo.  The morphine did have a calming effect and before you knew it I was back in the waiting room waiting on a ride home.  But that was only the beginning of my day.  Part two coming soon.

Filed under: Humor and Satire , broken leg, crtuches, hospital, life alert, michael vick, morphine, pain