Filed under: Politics, Society , abu ghraib, torture
• 4:28 pm 5
Obama’s Swagga!
OMG! When I saw this I wanted to change the channel to Fox News. Why do people engage in this type of behavior? CNN should be fined by the FCC for televison crimes against humanity. This is scarier than watching Fakename go down the Soul Train line.
Filed under: Society , barack obama, cnn, kyra phillips, t.j. holmes
• 12:48 am 2
Swine Flu! Part Two.
Conservative talk show hosts are using the swine flu pandemic to slam Mexicans and the immigration problem. Read more here.
more about “Conservatives Scapegoating Mexican Im…“, posted with vodpod
Filed under: Society , conservative talk radio, glenn beck, mexicans, michael savage, neal boortz, swine flu
April 29, 2009 • 8:37 pm 1
W. Worthless, Cheney, Himself, Dowd, Priceless!
Op-Ed Columnist
Vice’s Secret Vices
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/29/opinion/29dowd.html?_r=1&ref=opinion
WASHINGTON
In a closed-door session on Tuesday, Dick Cheney testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee, which is investigating the “enhanced” interrogation techniques of “high value” detainees.
This columnist gained exclusive “access” to the classified testimony of the “deeply missed” former vice president.
The chairwoman of the committee, Dianne Feinstein, began by telling Cheney that she was “shocked personally” by what she had learned about the brutality of the way prisoners were treated.
“Those insects weren’t even poisonous,” Cheney growled. “Facial slaps? Abdominal slaps? Throwing a naked man into a wall? Kid stuff. Those methods worked. They kept us safe for seven years. Safer than with that delicate Hawaiian orchid in the White House. America is coming across as weak and indecisive. Just when Rummy and I had stomped out that ‘Blame America First’ flower-child culture, Obama has dragged it back, apologizing profusely all over the world for the country he’s running, canoodling with greasy dictators, kissing up to those weasels in Europe, which is only free today because of our military. Friends and foes alike will be quick to take advantage if they think they’re dealing with a Creamsicle.”
Senator John McCain, looking disgusted, began yelling at Cheney, telling him that waterboarding someone 183 times in a month was against the law. “The Japanese who did that in World War II were tried and hanged,” he sneered.
“Shut your piehole,” Cheney replied flatly. “Everyone’s sick of you being an apologist for torture. Why don’t you go join that pantywaist Specter on the other side where you belong?”
Senator Russ Feingold got into the fray, asking Cheney sarcastically: “Can you tell us exactly which terrorist plots were foiled by torture?”
Cheney offered his mirthless smile. “Certainly,” he replied. “Shortly after 9/11, we disrupted a plot to assassinate a senator, penetrating two terrorist cells and uncovering a Serbian scheme. Our interrogator used a chokehold, threatened to withhold a detainee’s heart medicine, and broke a few laws, but it was well worth it.”
Feingold interrupted with thinly veiled contempt: “You’re telling us now that the Serbs are linked to Al Qaeda?”
Cheney nodded. “Of course. Then, the following year, we were able to get a lead on an international terrorist named Syed Ali and stop a nuclear bomb from being detonated in Los Angeles. Sure, an enemy combatant was shot in the chest. Yes, a hacksaw came into play. There was some wall slamming, throat grabbing and when Ali wouldn’t talk because he was doing ‘Allah’s work,’ our agent had to feign the shooting death of Ali’s first-born son. But in the end we averted World War III with three Middle East countries and kept America safe from a suitcase bomb.
“In 2004, we thwarted the spread of a deadly weaponized virus strain. The following year, after some unsuccessful attempts at sensory disorientation with detainees, we got a torture specialist who had a way with a taser and his trusty syringe. Strict measures, like breaking fingers one by one and using an electrical cord from a lamp to shock a suspect, were necessary. We were under attack by a terrorist named Habib Marwan who controlled a bunch of Middle East terrorist cells. They were planning to meltdown nuclear power plants across the country, shoot down Air Force One and set off a nuclear missile. On top of that, we were dealing with a mole in our counterterrorism unit.
“In 2006, after an incident with the man who made history by becoming the first black president …”
Senator Feinstein interrupted: “Excuse me, Mr. Cheney, are you talking about Barack Obama?”
“I said the first black president,” Cheney snapped, before continuing: “Our interrogator needed to do some things outside protocol. There was an exploding vest, a foot digging into a wound, an injection of pain-inducing hyoscine-pentothal, a threat to cut out the eyes of a suspect being interrogated unless he confessed where the Sentox nerve gas cannisters were. But the Geneva Conventions are a small thing to give up when you consider that we broke up a nefarious plot that reached to the highest levels — the Oval Office.”
Senator Olympia Snowe looked confused: “But you were in the Oval Office in 2006, Mr. Cheney.”
Something dawned on Evan Bayh and he smiled grimly. “Didn’t it turn out in the end, Dick,” he asked, “that some of these so-called terrorist plots were really domestic villains with black ops teams scheming to control the oil supply and get rich? Sort of like what you did with Iraq and Halliburton?”
Cheney glared at him, saying “We’re the patriots.” Bayh walked over and whispered something to the chairwoman.
“Mr. Cheney,” Feinstein said, sounding shocked, “your testimony is delusional, not to mention derivative.”
Cheney looked apoplectic, not to mention apocalyptic. “How dare you,” he cried, “demean our country’s finest counterterrorism agent, Jack Bauer?”
Filed under: Politics , 24, dick cheney, george w. bush, jack bauer, maureen dowd, new york times
• 4:43 pm 3
Swine Flu!
Mother Nature is a bitch! Ever since my mother found me in a cabbage patch, she has been trying to kill me. Never mind the fact that sometimes I aid and abet her. But the bitch is playing dirty this time. She has unleashed a new strain of flu that contains the genes of humans, pigs, and birds dubbed H1N1 or swine flu. That’s a bigger fucking mutation than all of the X-Men combined. Excuse me for a moment while I go wash my hands.
I just love my anti-bacterial soap. It just might save my life. And to think I’ve been waiting all this time on Jesus Christ and the 12th Imam to come back so I could die a terrible apocalyptic death in the midst of a sulfur thunderstorm. It’s much more comforting to know that I may be taken out by lesser species in the food chain. I guess it’s the pig’s revenge for Spam.
In other swine flu news, the country of Egypt announced today that it will slaughter all pigs inside its borders which is pretty funny to me since Egypt is a Muslim nation. I thought that if a Muslim got within a hundred yards of a pig there will be no Paradise or virgins in the afterlife. So my curiosity got the better of me and I googled “pigs in Egypt,” seems like there is a Coptic Christian minority that eats pigs. And that is funny to me also because I can’t quite put my finger on the exact scripture but I seem to remember the Bible says not to eat pigs in it somewhere.
And finally, because nothing reminds me more of swine than Michele Bachmann, let’s have a look at what the dumb bitch had to say about the swine flu pandemic.
I hate to break it to you Brainiac but that one happened on Gerald Ford’s watch!
Filed under: Humor and Satire, Society , mexico, michele bachmann, pandemic, spam, swine flu
April 27, 2009 • 7:31 pm 11
Dickless Cheney!
Filed under: Politics , dick cheney, ed schultz, msnbc, the ed show
• 4:20 pm 2
Torture Memos!
Let’s not be to harsh on President Obama and his releasing of the torture memos that has former members of the Bush Administration making plans to flee to Costa Rica. Had Obama not released the memos, he would have been compelled by a federal judge to do so anyway. This all stems from a lawsuit filed by the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) in 2003 under the Freedom of Information Act. It has taken six years for these memos to be released. Click the link to read the actual memos.
Every Republican talking head, Dickless Cheney in particular, are now running around like Chicken Little screaming that we are less safe for making information available to the public that was already widely known. Cheney is even calling for the C.I.A. to make available memos that confirm that Enhanced Interrogation Techniques (torture) actually provided us with actionable intelligence. According to the Washington Post:
When CIA officials subjected their first high-value captive, Abu Zubaida, to waterboarding and other harsh interrogation methods, they were convinced that they had in their custody an al-Qaeda leader who knew details of operations yet to be unleashed, and they were facing increasing pressure from the White House to get those secrets out of him.
The methods succeeded in breaking him, and the stories he told of al-Qaeda terrorism plots sent CIA officers around the globe chasing leads.
In the end, though, not a single significant plot was foiled as a result of Abu Zubaida’s tortured confessions, according to former senior government officials who closely followed the interrogations. Nearly all of the leads attained through the harsh measures quickly evaporated, while most of the useful information from Abu Zubaida — chiefly names of al-Qaeda members and associates — was obtained before waterboarding was introduced, they said.
What is equally disturbing is that the C.I.A. has destroyed over 90 video tapes, some of which included the use of torture that were also requested by the ACLU. You can bet your ass that shit rolls downhill and by the time this stinking ball comes to a stop there are going to be quite a few people with new numbers. Prison numbers that is. Torture must never be a tool of the United States Government. It undermines the moral authority of the United States. Not to mention it flies in the face of Christian sensibilities.
Unfortunately, Americans are almost equally split on the use of torture. See the latest poll numbers here! For another interesting take on the torture issue, check out the lastest blog by Fakename.
Filed under: Politics, War , aclu, cia, dick cheney, enhanced interrogation techniques, new york times, torture, torture memos, washington post, waterboarding
