The Court Martial of John McCain
Written by eehard
Associated Mess writer
In a remarkable discovery last week, cub archeologist E4BH uncovered a transcript near the Dead Sea of the court martial of John McCain during his service as a junior officer aboard Noah’s Ark. Details are still a little shaky but we can report what we know thus far. Apparently it involved McCain’s involvement with a missing grizzly bear.
What we know thus far is that while mucking out a stall on Noah’s Ark, a grizzly bear mistakenly took one of John McCain’s imported $500 Ferragamo clogs for a bee’s nest. Not smelling honey but the odor of 500 year old toe jam, the bear took a dump in the clog. Infuriated, the ill tempered McCain beat the hell out of the bear and threw him overboard.
Noah, on his daily inspections of the animals under his control was quite surprised to find that one his animals were missing. He quickly convened a Captain’s Court amongst the officers and men. Asking if anyone had knowledge regarding the missing bear no one spoke up. Being the keen captain that Noah was, he noticed McCain spitting out fur from his foaming mouth. Noah: “Ensign McCain, what have thou been spewing from thy mouth?” McCain replied “Bear fur sir. A bear took a shit in one of my clogs and I made his sorry ass pay for it!”
Not amused at having to change course and go retrieve the bear, Noah stripped McCain of his rank and busted him down to Seaman No Class. He was reassigned to work in the monkey part of the ark where pooh throwing was a daily part of the grind. Meanwhile, the bear that was tossed overboard had to be coaxed back onto the ark. He had enjoyed his time doing the back stroke and dining on fish. In a final act of defiance, on his way back to his stall, spying McCain’s other clog; the grizzly bear took a dump in it!