In Heaven, things were going astray. God was on vacation somewhere in New Jersey playing skee ball and left specific instructions with Archangel Metatron that under no circumstances was She to be disturbed. Half of all the angels in Heaven were siding with Metatron and the other half was behind Archangel Gabriel. There were some heated discussions about who was in charge in God’s absence. Fearing an all out heavenly war Archangel Metatron descended to earth and interrupted Barack Obama’s Hawaiian vacation.
Always eager to help, Obama agreed to go to Heaven without preconditions to help mediate the dispute. Once there, he gathered the two Archangels to sit down and talk. Meanwhile, back on earth, word leaked out to the press that Obama was in Heaven at an official Heavenly function. Panic broke out at the McCain “We play the race card!” Headquarters.
Not to be outdone McCain quickly arranged an impromptu visit to Hell and a quick meeting with Satan. Always one to smell a sucker the Devil asked McCain what he wanted. “I need your help to get me elected in November, there is this uppity black guy standing in my way.” Satan replied “What would you be willing to do to ensure my help?” McCain: “How about I give you my soul!” The Devil broke out in an evil roar laughing his ass off then replied “You have to have one in the first place!” Furious, McCain started to leave Hell when the Devil said “See you in a couple of years!” McCain shot back: “You liberal son of a bitch!”
Back in Heaven, the new Messiah reminded both Metatron and Gabriel that their argument was silly and that they should get along until God returned from Her vacation. That’s when the big J.C. walked up to the table and fist bumped Obama and said “I got this brotha! You angels are dismissed. I am in charge.” The big J.C. said “C’mon B.O., Let me escort you back to Hawaii.” After one hell of a luau the big J.C. had to leave and said “See you in about sixty years B.O.”