Hello everybody. Mike the moose here. You might be wondering why I am shaking like I am. Well, it’s not because I am spanking my monkey. It is because I just saw Sarah Palin in a camouflaged bikini carrying an AK-47 assault rifle and my fucking Xanax hasn’t kicked in yet! I’m here to tell you why we Alaska moose support Barack Obama for president.
Ordinarily we moose agree that getting that pitbull with lipstick out of Alaska is in our best interest! I’ve lost too many friends and relatives to that icky woman with an itchy trigger finger. We moose are proud Americans but are willing to sacrifice for the greater good of America! Last night I had a nightmare that immediately after being inaugurated John McCain drops dead from a heart attack due to his excitement making Sarah Palin the 45th president of the United States.
I don’t have to tell you what a scary fucking proposition that is. Not only does this spell impending doom for my fellow animals in arms the polar bears and wolves; who is fucking next? The grizzly bears and salmon better keep their eyes open! What does this biatch have against animals anyway? My question is whether or not she’ll kill us with guns or oil spills?
Anyway, the Xanax is starting to kick in and I’ve got to get away from Sarah Palin. Remember to vote Obama in November. And eat more chicken, we moose taste terrible.