Maybe I should have gone to school this semester. I have way too much time on my hands. I picked up the Bible for a few minutes just to get a few laughs but what I read today was shocking. Cain killed his brother Abel and God put Cain into the Lord’s protection plan. You see, Cain was afraid that since he was now a restless wanderer that somebody might kill him. And I am sitting here thinking to myself just who in the fuck that might be? There’s only you and your parents on the face of the earth and I’m pretty damn sure that they wouldn’t kill you. The thought of losing another child would be overbearing.
So now Cain is banished and moves to the land of Nod east of Eden. In Nod Cain finds a wife and gets married. Hold up! Wait a minute! I am really confused now. Was there a God of Nod who created His own part of the world and His own first family? I certainly hope so because if not, then only Adam and Eve could have had another child and that would mean Cain married his sister and that is just plain nasty.
Now I am pissed off to learn that I cannot live to be 930 years old. I’d like the chance to have children at the age of 500. I could have enough children to vote Obama into office with my progeny alone. It isn’t fair Big G. If it’s good enough for Noah, it’s good enough for me. Why reduce my life span to a mere 120 years? I would really like to meet my great great great great great great great great great great great great grandsons and daughters.
And what’s with You giving Adam naming rights on woman? Did he drop you a few shekels? Why Eve? I bet that if she had the chance to name herself she would have done so along the lines of Sheniquia or Foxy Brown. Well I have to go now. Me and my friend Leprechaun are going to follow that rainbow to that pot of gold.