It’s the morning of November 5, 2008. The main story on the Tallahassee Democrat’s front page in 14 point font is “Two black kindergarten students arrested for stealing a classmate’s crayons!” Complete with mug shots I might add. Oops, I stand corrected. The Democrat does not publish photos of minors. Underneath that in small print is “Barack Obama wins the presidency in a landslide!”
It gives the story a one paragraph synopsis of the election and says continued in Saturday’s Classified Ads section. The really big news of the day, however, is the mass suicides committed by its conservative readership and bloggers. It seems like Repubtallygirl had hosted a McCain victory party in her singlewide trailer deep in the woods of Crawfordville. As each state closed it polls and it became apparently clear that Obama was headed for victory someone spiked the keg of Busch beer with cyanide. Fortunately, ptfan1 got lost and didn’t make it to the party. When asked what he thought of the events that transpired he simply fell to his knees and cried repeatedly “Obamessiah, Obamamessiah, Obamamessiah!”
The list of the dearly departed include: Fleur-de-lis. Repubtallygirl, PeeOde, Kristiehatescrocks, Chuck Norris wannabee, Molly Kagan aka Traci Taylor, that telephone number, Clockreader, thefactchecker, and anndonmason just to name a few. Personally, you will not be missed. There is a special place in blogger hell for all of you. Your eternal punishment shall be sniffing Barak Obama’s jock strap after a pickup game of basketball. When John McCain joins you there, you will be forced to hear repeatedly his wacky tales of being a P.O.W.
It is January 20, 2009. The time is precisely 12:00 p.m. Barack Obama takes the oath of office and becomes the 44th president of the United Stated. The People cheer, the world cheers. Sanity returns to the country. History is made. Perhaps, we can turn the corner…