Another shocking development was uncovered in the already bizarre McCain/Palin campaign by an undercover Associated Mess reporter. The name of the reporter is being withheld due to concerns over his safety. What we have learned thus far is that at the back of the Straight Talk Express there are two doors. The door on the left is marked lavatory and the door on the right is marked private and was to be kept locked at all times. Our reporter reports that he was a little dizzy from listening to McCain’s bullshit all day and mistakenly opened the door on the right which someone forgot to lock. This is what our reporter saw:
What was worse than seeing McCain in some kind of nefarious skin reanimation generator was the notorious and Nazi fugitive Dr. Cutem N. Stitchem performing the procedure. Dr. Stitchem has been hunted for years to no avail for war crimes involving unethical experiments such as the one McCain was undergoing at the time of discovery.
In an act of bravery and fearing for his safety, our reporter grabbed McCain’s medical records and dove out of one of the buses open windows. Fortunately for our reporter he was picked up quickly by a group of migrant farm workers and whisked to safety before McCain’s goons could get a hand on him. Talking to our reporter over the phone regarding McCain’s records, he revealed that aside from being a slave of Satan destined to walk the earth forever, he was in relative good health with a severe case of halitosis.