The Associated Mess has obtained a copy of tonight’s infomercial Barack Obama’s Campaign is running on seven different networks. In a shocking announcement Obama claims that it is true that he was not born in Hawaii as many have questioned, but on the planet Kenyanite in its capitol city of United States of America. The campaign stresses the fact that the constitution does not rule out being born on another planet as a disqualifier. Mr. Obama tells us that he was sent here by his father Leroyel to prevent the poor from stealing from the rich. He also claims that his real message is not “Hope and Change that we Can Believe In,” but “Dope and Spare Change and More of the Same!”
In another shocking revelation, Mr. Obama will announce that if he wins the election that he will abandon the suit and tie apparel traditionally worn by former presidents and instead will don tights and a cape. He will also announce that he would not want to be addressed as Mr. President because it sounds too elitists. He suggests that he be addressed simply as Obamaman!
Mr. Obama will also address his first major legislation act known as “The Arugula and Green Tea Initiative.” Briefly, every American that says hello to his/her neighbor at least twice a week will receive a year’s supply of each item.