Cats are Badasses!











The donation button is not working out very well so I went out to the shed to break out the tools and earn some money the old fashioned way.  I agreed to do some work for a family friend.  Words of advice, “eat with family, do business with strangers.”  It’s more profitable.  That’s an old African proverb that I need to pay more attention to.  I guess you are wondering where I am going with this, one word, cat.

At the job site, the owner of the house has a cat named Jazzy.  Cats are okay in my book but I don’t want an animal who is going to be the boss of me.  I especially don’t like a cat that keeps popping into my work space like it’s going to write the check.  Anyway, I went out on the front porch to smoke a cigarette and take a break.  Of course the cat followed me outside.  What happened next was a story straight from a Fakename blog. Since she took down her categories, look for Fakecat.

As soon as I lit up Jazzy immediately pounced on what I will simply call a lizard. It’s the type that likes to live in your shutters. I can’t wait until I pressure wash my house in the spring.  Cats are brutal!  Jazzy shook that lizard like a deranged nanny shakes someone else’s baby.  Not content with probably snapping the poor things neck, Jazzy dropped the lizard to the ground and began a flurry of left and right jabs that would make Muhammad Ali proud.  Unlike Fakename, I had no intention of trying to rescue the little reptile.  I have no sympathy for those things.  I don’t like it when they pop their head out to look at you funny while you are on your front porch smoking.

The abuse went on for about ten minutes and the cat suddenly lost interest in his prey.  I guess something dead is no longer fun to play with.  Until I save enough money and make my first trip to Africa, this little episode will have to serve as my version of a pride of lions taking down a zebra.  So I got up to go back to work and the cat followed me in.  I didn’t see Jazzy for about thirty minutes but when he popped into the room to inspect my work, I really didn’t mind anymore.


Filed under Humor and Satire

3 responses to “Cats are Badasses!

  1. fakename2

    Rofl. There are many occasions when I look at Fakecat and say to myself, Dang…I sure am glad you only weigh 12 pounds.

  2. spencercourt

    C’mon Nick…do you think we’re a bunch of “Spread the Wealth” socialist-types here…lol! Sell some T-shirts like Margaret and Helen!

    But they gotta be edgy! I’d suggest “Nick’s Straight Talk Express” but someone may sue you..

  3. Pingback: Weekend Wrapup…Fun and Disaster « Fakename2’s Weblog

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