Swine Flu!

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Mother Nature is a bitch!  Ever since my mother found me in a cabbage patch, she has been trying to kill me.  Never mind the fact that sometimes I aid and abet her.  But the bitch is playing dirty this time.  She has unleashed a new strain of flu that contains the genes of humans, pigs, and birds dubbed H1N1 or swine flu.  That’s a bigger fucking mutation than all of the X-Men combined.  Excuse me for a moment while I go wash my hands.

I just love my anti-bacterial soap.  It just might save my life.  And to think I’ve been waiting all this time on Jesus Christ and the 12th Imam to come back so I could die a terrible apocalyptic death in the midst of a sulfur thunderstorm.  It’s much more comforting to know that I may be taken out by lesser species in the food chain.  I guess it’s the pig’s revenge for Spam.

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In other swine flu news, the country of Egypt announced today that it will slaughter all pigs inside its borders which is pretty funny to me since Egypt is a Muslim nation.  I thought that if a Muslim got within a hundred yards of a pig there will be no Paradise or virgins in the afterlife.  So my curiosity got the better of me and I googled “pigs in Egypt,” seems like there is a Coptic Christian minority that eats pigs.  And that is funny to me also because I can’t quite put my finger on the exact scripture but I seem to remember the Bible says not to eat pigs in it somewhere.

And finally, because nothing reminds me more of swine than Michele Bachmann, let’s have a look at what the dumb bitch had to say about the swine flu pandemic.

 

I hate to break it to you Brainiac but that one happened on Gerald Ford’s watch!

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3 Comments

Filed under Humor and Satire, Society

3 responses to “Swine Flu!

  1. swinefluwatch

    Well… at least nobody is telling us to use beetroot juice and olive oil. 🙂

  2. ptfan1

    Well I could make a gender joke here about Bachmann but then FN would say I am a sexist anti intellectual so I will just say that is a pretty fucking stupid remmark for someone that went to William and Mary. At least she isn’t from Florida. Sorry Terri:)

  3. eehard

    Ah c’mon PT, you know FN has a crush on you.

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