All of my life I have had trouble with authority figures including the very first one, my father. I didn’t take to well to being spanked. In my world there was no offense great or small that warranted a spanking. The only problem with this is that there wasn’t much that I could do about it. A 180 pound man vs. a 40 pound boy is a mismatch the size of David vs. Goliath. And I didn’t have a slingshot. But I did have my mouth and it pretty much ensured me a spanking from hell. Since I couldn’t fight back I sure as hell could talk shit. And I’ll come back to that later.
Growing up Hardy entailed two types of spanking. The mommy spank and the daddy spank. The mommy spank was always the preferred spank. Mommies carried you for nine months so you know she just wants to teach you a mild lesson. The mommy spank was kind of cool because she always made you go get what you wanted to be spanked with. So we would go outside and a break off a small switch. Mommies never think to make you take off your underwear so we could always put on an extra pair to soften the blows. Screaming at the top of your lungs after the first hit was always a good tool to shorten the length of the spanking. Mommies are such suckers.
Now the daddy spank was entirely different. He didn’t give you the choice to choose your instrument of doom nor did he care. I always hoped that when my time came I was nowhere near: a. an extension cord, b. a wire hanger, c. a belt, or d. the dreaded hot wheel track. The daddy spank was always conducted bare ass to inflict the most possible damage. Back in those days, welts on your ass were considered a sign of good parenting and even if they had a Department of Children and Families back then, they would have awarded my dad “Father of the Year!” Dads also don’t give a shit if you cry, that’s the whole fucking idea. Sympathy from a dad whipping your ass is found in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.
So back to my father and my ass whippings, as I said I couldn’t fight back but i could talk shit. During one grueling episode between a hot wheel track and my ass I told my father that he spanked me like a woman! I thought that I was being clever but only succeeded in increasing my welt count. Another thing about daddy spanks is that they don’t give a fuck that mommy is watching. But as I said, mommies are suckers. So by pissing off my dad even more I was able to increase my mom’s sympathy where she raced in and rescued me. I might have gotten a few more whacks but I sure as hell bought myself enough time before the next ass whipping. And I didn’t even need a slingshot!