Gay Penguins! Fakename Clued Me In!


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You can’t even go to the zoo these days and escape the vast homosexual agenda.  Gay penguins?  You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.  I am absolutely positive that the penguin God, just like his human counterpart God made all penguins heterosexual.  The one question that I can’t understand or answer is what made a perfectly straight man wake up some morning and say “Today seems like a good day to go suck some dick!”  And furthermore, what makes a male penguin with the mental capacity of a well, er, a penguin say “Damn John, Mike has some sexy ass flippers don’t you think?”

We all know the reason for homosexuality in humans is that old television show Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. But as far as I know, penguins do not watch television.  So what makes them gay?  Could it be that homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom is a natural occurrence?  If so, could the argument be made that it is also a natural occurrence between humans who have not watched Queer Eye For The Straight Guy? One could further deduce that if homosexuality is a natural behavior in the animal kingdom, then man, the greatest of all animals would also be susceptible to this behavior and all moral judgments whether pro or con would be rendered useless.  But then again, animals eat their young, so this is a road I will not go down.

Who is the expert that can prove these two penguins are gay because they happen to share the same cave?  I’d call them roommates!  Batman and Robin shared a cave and I don’t remember anyone calling them gay except for Fredric Wertham, who touched on the subject  in his 1954 book Seduction of the Innocent.  I do not count the television series Batman because Batman and Robin were both unambiguously gay.  Speaking of crime fighters, read what these villainous gay penguins were caught doing.

This may be a new story for me but I thought that it was the male penguin’s job to hatch the egg.  Maybe Fakename will enlighten me in an upcoming episode of Fakename’s Animal Planet.  And for the record, those German Penguins are not the first gay penguins to pull off this feat.  Good old American Gay Penguins in New York’s Central Park Zoo did it over five years ago and the story became a best selling childrens book And Tango Makes Three.  The important thing to remember here is that despite the birds so called sexual orientation, they took an abandoned egg, hatched it, and lovingly cared for the chick.  You think humans can learn something from penguins?



Filed under Humor and Satire, Politics, sex

5 responses to “Gay Penguins! Fakename Clued Me In!

  1. It always warms my heart to know that the Associated Mess is maintaining its proud tradition of addressing the major issues of our time 🙂 However, Fakename is hurt that you failed to identify her as the source of this hot news tip!
    And now this: I just heard on the radio that they are going to start treating live, raw oysters with radiation. Apparently it kills almost all that bacteria that causes many people to become ill when eating oysters in the summer months. I was having visions of Godzilla Oysters. I’m sure the Associated Mess needs to become involved in getting to the root of this important story.

  2. Also, very nice photo of the Village Penguins.

  3. eehard

    I will go back and give you the credit you deserve however, the Associated Mess has no interest in giant radiated boogers!

    You should see their version of “In the Navy.”

  4. MzCynic

    Ah-ha, you didn’t see that great documentary “The March of the Penquins”. The female lays the egg and the male watches over it while the female goes looking for food. Great movie.

    Question. Was Billy Crystal the first to play an out gay male on TV in “Soap”, a very funny show?
    Just askin’.

  5. eehard

    I can honestly say that I have never seen that film. My interest run more to the shoot em up/blow em up genre.

    I remember that show but I was just a kid when it came on and it raised all kinds of hell. I am not sure about Billy Crystal but you might be able to google it.

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