The Brew of Death!



A few months ago, a friend of mine sent me a package containing Puerh, a type of Chinese tea favored by connoisseurs.  It came in a standard United States Post Office box and there was no way in hell that I was going to open it by myself.  You see, Ptfan1 is what I would call a frenemy here in the blogosphere.  I made some disparaging remarks about his girlfriend Sarah Palin.  That’s akin to me going to a KKK rally and asking “Where are the white women at?”  So if I was going to meet my demise, It was going to be in the company of others.

The chance to open the tea finally occurred on June 28th when the band of Tallahassee renegades finally got together for a pow wow.  How relieved I was when Anarchist opened the package and there was no explosion.  Now, I thought that what i was getting would be some tea leaves as pictured above wrapped in some aluminun foil.  However, the tea came in the form of a brick in a nice wooden box with either a glass or plastic sliding cover.  Fortunately, Fakename and I were invited to Anarchist’s house and he took complete control over everything.  This included brewing the Puerh.

Now, when I say that the Puerh came in the form of a brick I was not kidding. Think cinder block.  While Anarchist was putting the finishing touches on our meal, Fakename and I had to run to Home Depot and purchase a chain saw just to cut that shit.  While we dined on roasted pork and sweet potato’s with a Mediterranean salad, Anarchist went into the kitchen to brew the tea.  Before he brought us the foaming Addams family brew, he asked if we’d like any sugar in it.  I requested two lumps and Fakename  requested one.

Before I finish the rest of my story I have to say that during dinner Anarchist showed us an autographed copy of Farrah Fawcett nude on some beach that I wish I had the pleasure to be on.  All I can remember is commenting on what beautiful handwriting Farrah had.  I mean she actually signed it to Anarchist.  One day I am sure he will sell it on E-Bay.

So the fateful moment finally arrived.  To drink or not to drink.  Well I made it up in my mind that I was not going to go out like a pussy.  I was going to sample the brew that was boiling over like hydrochloric acid mixed with mint julep.  Damn that Kentucky Derby.  Surprise!  It wasn’t that bad.  I am sure that if I can get Anarchist to tell me how he brewed it I will drink it again.  Ptfan1 was right.  It is an aquired taste.  With a few modifications, I am sure I can learn to like this stuff.  Who needs Vodka when you can have Puerh?



Filed under Humor and Satire

10 responses to “The Brew of Death!

  1. I have to agree with ee…the taste is completely unique. There is a sort of bitter aftertaste to it, but somehow that grows on you. By the end of the cup, I liked it…though I would say it is not an everyday sort of drink. I first tried it without sugar, but wasn’t able to tolerate that. Many thanks to pt for the gift to ee. I was glad I was able to share. ee and I, and Anarchist and Mrs. Anarchist had a great time! Maybe next time pt and Mrs. pt can join us…but I guess we’ll have to wait for football season! And btw, no discussion of politics or religion at the dinner table!

  2. ptfan1

    What I sent you was 2003 Green Puerh Zhuan Cha.

    It is, in my limited but growing experience, a mid level grade tea. Maybe a 4 0r 5 on a scale of 10. That brick will last for many different infusions if you follow the directions on the box. The first infusion is the weakest and is often discarded by connoisseurs after a brief taste. The second and third infusions are the best. I can often get 5 out of that particular Zhuan Cha.

    I have some aged Puerh from the 90’s and 1 special couple of ounces from the 70’s. I would grade that as an 8. I may never afford the top of the line.

    It is very good for the digestive system and acts as a cleanser for the organs.

    Glad you all tried it. The trick in seperating leaves from the brick is to go in sideways from the thinist side with a pocket knife once you gain a rough edge it gets easier.

  3. ptfan1

    “By the end of the cup, I liked it…though I would say it is not an everyday sort of drink.”

    It is an everyday drink for me. 4 to 6 cups a day.

    check this out

  4. We noticed, or I did, that the container said “Tao of Tea” on it. I am not a frequent hot tea drinker, nor could I tolerate 4-6 cups of anything caffeinated in a day. That’s why for me, it would be a specialty drink. The coolest thing about it was tasting a completely new flavor, and through you, learning something new. Oh wait…that was the second coolest thing. The coolest thing was that it didn’t explode.

  5. ptfan1

    “nor could I tolerate 4-6 cups of anything caffeinated”

    There’s always been this old wives tale that tea has more caffeine than coffee. Measured pound for pound that is true, but one doesn’t drink it pound for pound. Tea that is brewed from tea leaves has much less caffeine per cup than coffee which is ground and more concentrated. Green Puerh as I consume it is very low in caffeine and has fun stuff in it like theobromine (chocolate alkaloid) and theophylline (good for respiration)

    Tea was discovered (by legend) in 3000 bc in china. Next to alcohol it may be man’s oldest recreational stimulant.

    Puerh is definitely an acquired taste, like scotch. It didn’t take me long to acquire it though once I understood its healthy benefits.

    Besides, it’s fun!

  6. > the first infusion is the weakest

    Hmm… I didn’t realize it needed “serial” infusions. I only did one. So Nick, don’t brew it the way I did! Unless you want wussy tea…lol!

  7. eehard

    I didn’t watch how you brewed it. I need picture instructions on how to do it.

    • If you don’t already have one, you need a tea brewing gizmo. Something to put the leaves in the water. Some are shaped liked a teapons, others like a ball. Basically, a metal (sometimes just wire mesh) device with holes in it. You open it up, put the leaves in, close it, and then stick it in the hot water as long as you like.

      The “better” ones are large enough for more than just one cup. You should be able to find them at a K-mart or Target. Shouldn’t be more than a few bucks.

  8. eehard

    Thanks for the 411…. I remember the pair that you had but I had never seen anything like that in my life. I will get a set providing I can get my tea back from Phyllis. I think I have offended her because I don’t understand woman speak! LOL

  9. What? Phyllis has confiscated your tea? Make sure that some of it hasn’t been sampled…lol! 😉

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