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This is the only picture in the world that includes my daughter, her mother (Dawn Dawson ’80), and myself. There is a good reason for that but I will not get into that here. A few months before Tangy’s wedding she remarked to me that the one thing she never had was a picture of her with both her parents in it and I decided then and there to change that. I thought that her wedding would be the perfect opportunity to make that happen providing that her mother had her retractable claws in the off and locked position.
Now the problem was that I don’t do weddings or funerals. In fact, you can count the number of combined weddings and funerals that I have attended on one hand. The problem with funerals is that I have no use for the dead. The problem with weddings is that it is kind of like a funeral anyway only no one is dead (yet)! So I began to dread the day of May 24, 2008. My only child in the world was getting married on a Saturday and all I could think about was missing the World Ping Pong Championships.
For the record, Tangy’s stepfather, Al Freeman was going to walk her down the aisle and give her away. He deserved the job more than I did anyway and it had the added bonus of me not having to do anything. I was a little put off at first but was overjoyed when I learned it would be the full Episcopal service. Anybody that has been to an Episcopalian service knows that the only thing more boring is a Catholic Mass. I don’t have many good things to say about church but the Episcopalians and Catholics are most efficient at getting you in and out under an hour. I was happy as shit that my baby wasn’t a Baptist.
So everybody said their I dos and I think that I heard some cheesy vows and by the time they got to the kiss I was ready to bolt the church. I don’t believe in God but there is a mutual respect thing kind of going on. I don’t go into His house and He doesn’t come into mine. But I still had this picture thing to do. You would think that being the biological father I would get some preferential treatment and cut to the head of the photography line but noooooooo! After some twenty-seven bridesmaids and flower people later my photo op and free pass to the open bar had arrived. As we took our places, I carefully checked to make sure Dawn wasn’t wielding a tire iron as the photographer said “say cheese!” After waiting hr entire life for this picture, my poor baby didn’t even open her eyes. Make sure you bring the camera when the grand kids start coming.
*I am having a very prominent local artist turn this into a portrait. Tangy’s eyes will be open.