Whoever coined the phrase “Life is a Bitch,” knew what the fuck he was talking about! I knew something was wrong today when I received a certified letter from Ion Sancho, the Supervisor of Elections for Leon County, Florida. Somehow I knew that he wasn’t personally thanking me for having a 100% voting record. I summoned up the courage to open the letter and I was flabbergasted. The letter stated that I was on a list of convicted felons and therefore, not eligible to be a registered voter; which was news to me since I have never been turned away at the polling station. Furthermore, the letter stated that my Civil Rights have been taken away and I have to prove that they have been restored to be put back on the list of eligible voters.
Now I want to state unequivocally that I have never ever been convicted of a felony. I may have done some felonious deeds back in the day but you can blame the ineptness of the various local law enforcement agencies for failing to catch me. Misdemeanors are another story however. Every black man in America has done a day in jail for nothing more than being black. I’ve pleaded nolo contendere to being black, fitting the description of being black, and being black in a no black zone. But the information I got today told me that I pleaded guilty to possession with the intent to buy or sell cocaine near a school, a first degree felony, and possession of cocaine, a third degree felony. All of this happened back in 1988 in Fort Lauderdale, FL. There is only problem with that! I’ve never been to fucking Fort Lauderdale.
I want to thank the Broward Clerk of the Court for their professionalism in answering my questions and instructing me in how to clear this matter up. I found out that the perpetrator was 5′ 10″ and I am 6′ even. The perp listed his place of birth as the Dominican Republic, I was born in Washington, DC. One name came instantly to mind. Troy Saunders! An old boyfriend of one of my sisters whom I had completely forgotten about. Troy is what I would call a neer-do-well. And that’s being kind because he is really a wasted fuck. His parents should have played Monopoly that night. I also remembered that he had stolen my driver’s license.
But even with a stolen driver’s license, were the police that fucking blind to see the difference? Did they even bother to run his fingerprints? Probably not, because if they did, they would have discovered his true identity. I don’t know how much this is going to cost me to clear up but I will not go down without a fight. Nobody is going to take away any of my rights. And I will be talking to a lawyer about my options. I am putting the city and police of Fort Lauderdale on notice.
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