Category Archives: Humor and Satire

A Call From Heaven?

Photo via Artizans

One reason that I know that Heaven does not exist is because of the lack of calls from angels using their cell phones from Heaven.  Now, they say that you can’t take it with you; however I know that there has to have been some enterprising brothers or sisters that would have taken their cell phones with them on that journey into the afterlife.  If not that, some poor misguided loved one would have slipped their i-Phone into the casket of their dearly departed in hopes of getting some late night tips to come on home sometime in the future.

But there haven’t always been cell phones.  So what is the deal with those in Heaven that don’t know anything about technology?  Well, I always thought that they would sneak into an office and use one of God’s land lines to call home.  Who amongst us haven’t made a long distance call from work back in the day?  You know, before cell phones were in vogue…  But, alas, the phone has not rung.

So today, I was really wanting to talk to my father.  He’s been dead for a long time now.  I just wanted to know if they had nightclubs and beer in Heaven. I dialed God’s phone number, Jeremiah 33:3 and asked to speak to Gomez, or Emory Earle Hardy Jr.  And wouldn’t you know it, I was place on hold and then transferred to an automated menu where I had to press one for Christian or two for Pagan…

For some reason that I will never understand, I was transferred to extension 666…. The voice went from an indifferent white woman to the voice of my long since departed father… He said to me, Nick, do whatever you want to do, but all of the interesting people that have ever lived, are all with me!

I am so going to extension 666….

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