Fleeting Love by Rodin
The weather was perfect for this time of year. It made walking around Lake Ella that more enjoyable as we walked hand in hand talking about everything and nothing at all. The moments of silence had long ceased to be uncomfortable. One does not need to run one’s mouth constantly to enjoy the company of another person. I find that talking too much often does more harm than good. I thought about the Pinot Grigio that was on ice and how much we were going to enjoy it later.
After a few trips around the lake, we took a seat on one of the many benches that were available. We began to talk about Albert Camu’s L’Etranger. The discussion was about Meursault and his lack of emotions. I hung on her every word. While we discussed his lack of emotions, I felt my own coming to the surface, even as I tried to deny the lack of my own. I realized that even though we live in an absurd world, I had feelings for this woman. How I longed to kiss her. I started to doubt the reality of existentialism.
But then I gave into the fact that it was my basic humanistic nature kicking in. There are no emotions, only basic human needs. There is the need to survive, the need to eat, the need for sex. We only have emotions because we are told that we are supposed to have them. I desired her because she was there. My thoughts turned to those that are considered sane only because I was told that my way of thinking was insane. Who is anyone to tell me that I am insane?
But to make a long story short, we made it back to her place and we uncorked the wine. We went through the motions of sniffing the wine, checking the dog legs, and the brief tasting of the fruitiness of the wine and decided that it was indeed a good bottle and vintage. When I had a sufficient amount of liquid courage, I bent over to kiss her and she vanished. For at that precise moment, when my lips finally reached hers, she disappeared like a ghost in my dreams.
I woke up and realized that it was in fact just a dream. I eagerly want to go back to sleep in the hopes that I can resume that dream. Some dreams are worth reliving whether you believe in emotions or not. How I long to taste those sweet lips.
I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. – Georges Duhamel
The world is indeed an absurd place. What else can explain George W. Bush and Dick Cheney? We are fighting a preemptive war based on lies in Iraq which posed about as much a threat to the United States as those jihadist’s penguins in the South Pole. We are spending ten billion dollars a month to support that war while we have a homeless problem and people going to sleep at night while hungry. We have bridges falling into rivers and children falling into the abyss of despair and hopelessness. There are people killing themselves and their families with guns that are easy to purchase as candy. God bless the United States of America.
In the name of Allah, young men at the behest of old men strap on bombs and blow themselves up to go meet him, not giving a shit how many others he takes with him. Why do the young always die at the hands of the old? Jew’s hate Muslims. Muslim’s hate Jews. Christian’s hate Muslims. Muslim’s hate Christians. And to think that love was the core of all religions.
There is genocide going on in Darfur and no one really cares. In Zimbabwe, people are starving to death in a country that was once considered to be the bread basket of Africa. The country of Iceland is bankrupt. Great Britain is bailing out its banks to the tune of 87.2 billion dollars on the heels of our 1 trillion dollar bailout. AIG executives spent $440,000 on a retreat after that company was bailed out.
Vanderbilt is 5-0 in football. Kimbo Slice was served his bread on Saturday. FAMU plays in a nationally televised game on Thursday that is not available in Tallahassee. The Tampa Bay Rays are one series away from playing in the World Series. I am up at 3:00 a.m. typing, smoking, and drinking coffee. These times are indeed absurd…
If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life. – Albert Camus
I believe that you only have one chance to get it right. That’s right! One chance only. There is no Paradise awaiting me. Nor a Heaven. I will not be reincarnated into anyone or anything. What is equally reassuring is that I will not go to some insidious place called Hell. Although I have often experienced moments on this earth what I consider to be hell. And those primarily come from reading the blogs on TDO.
I consider my life journey to be unique in an indifferent world. What I do in my time on earth matters only to me and perhaps a handful of family members and some of them may not really give a shit. I’ve been here now for 45 years and I have enjoyed every minute of it good and bad. I could not know the good if I did not experience the bad. All of this leads me to a question and that is “What is the meaning of my life?
I can’t answer that question. I don’t know whether my life is supposed to mean anything or not. It is certainly not something that I dwell on. All I know is that with each new day I am one day closer to death. It is not something that I am looking forward to nor is it something I fear. I just know that it is inevitable.
But what I do know is this; I will live everyday like it may be my last. I don’t mean I will party like its 1999, but to continue what I have been doing. That’s taking it one day at a time. Pursuing my goals and if I am lucky, have more sex than I can possibly handle. That may be a little hedonistic on my part but can anyone argue against that being the greatest human activity of all time?
I will do it my way and on my own terms. I wouldn’t trade this life I have led for anything in the world. Is there any meaning to this blog? I can’t answer that. Is there supposed to be one?