Tag Archives: bristol palin

Bristol Palin’s New PSA

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Levi Johnston Commercial | Get Crackin’ with Wonderful Pistachios!

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Baby Daddy Says Palin Resigned For The Money!

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Read story here!

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The Sarah Palin Chronicles! Writing a Book.

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 I knew that it was inevitable!  It was only a matter of time before Sarah Palin decided to write a book about her personal life and political career.  Which, in and of itself, is funny because I wasn’t aware that the Moose Maven from Wasilla knew how to read, let alone write.  It was announced yesterday that News Corp., owner of Harper Collins, owned by Rupert Murdoch will publish the book sometime in the Spring of 2010.  I heard about this while watching Hardball with Chris Matthews.  Matthews brought up a good point; who is going to write the book?  We know that if Palin writes it, it will be done in crayon or lipstick.  My bet is that there will be a ghost writer or a collaborator. 

 

In other Palin literary news, Playboy has announced that Palin’s daughter Bristol will appear in next month’s edition.  Word is that she will discuss the merits of abstinence only education accompanied of course, by some tastefully done photographs.  The Associated Mess has obtained an advanced copy of the magazine and unedited transcript where Bristol was heard to say changing baby Tripp’s diaper “Damn I should have made that bastard use a rubber!”

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Until the next edition of The Sarah Palin Cronicles we leave you with this word of advice.

 

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The Wasillabillies! Episode: White Trash.

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Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have called it quits two and a half months after the birth of their son Tripp Johnston.  Acoording to Levi’s sister Mercedes, Bristol doesn’t want the baby being around “white trash!”  Which in and of itself is pretty funny considering Bristol is pretty much “white trash” herself.  For the full story click here!  I’d like to see how the family values argument is going to play out in 2012.

Speaking of 2012, some group of morons met in a Denny’s Restaurant to announce a Draft Sarah Palin for President campaign in 2012.  They have even started a mass email campaign to Iowa Republicans.  What I want to know is what knd of excuse will she have for not paying her taxes in Alaska.  I don’t know, maybe she forgot because she was too busy flying around in helicopters shooting wolves.

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The Wasillabillies! Episode 4 “Welcome to the Family”

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What do you give an anti-abortion, abstinence only, gun toting Christian governor for Christmas?  A bastard, er illegitimate, er out of wedlock grandbaby.  Bristol Palin gave birth to future hockey player and hillbilly heroin user Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.  It is reported that People magazine wii pay Bristol and Levi $300K for exclusive photos of baby Tripp.  The Associated Mess considers this to be a good thing as it will keep another unwed mother off of food stamps and WIC.  We have also scooped People by obtaining the first photo of Tripp.

                

                               

                                    

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For all of you Palinphiles, get your 2009 calander!  Spend the entire year with Sarah and her family.  It’s going to be another shitty year and you might as well spend your time with a shitty calander!

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The Wasilla Hillbillies! Episode 1 “Hanging With Drug Dealers!”

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I thought my days about commenting on Alaska Governor Sarah Palin were over until 2012, but those wacky Wasilla hillbillies just won’t go away.  Just yesterday, it was revealed that Bristol Palin’s baby daddy’s mama Sherry Johnston was arrested on 6 felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.  That’s pretty funny because where I come from that sounds an awful lot like “Drug Dealing!”  Today,  reports say that the charges stem from the misuse of the prescription drug Oxycontin.  Those are some pretty steep charges for a pill when the true drug of choice in Wasilla is Methamphetamine.

The irony here is that Sarah Palin is now guilty of paling around with drug dealers.  Surely Governor Palin has had Sherry Johnston over for dinner complete with moose chili.  After all, their shared grandchild will be born any day now.  This is a perfect example of shit coming back to bite you in the ass.  This is not my logic but rather that of Sarah herself.  Wasn’t she the one that accused Obama of paling around with terrorists simply because he sat on the same board of directors with William Ayers?

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The real loser in the hillbilly fiasco is Johnston’s son Levi.  Having already dropped out of high school he is set to become a father and a husband.   According to media reports Bristol was the kind of person who, how can I put this nicely, was the type of person who walked around with a matress tied to her back.  I’d get a DNA test Levi before saying “I do!”  These same reports also indicate that Bristol as well her Brother Track were notorious boozers and stoners.

What have we learned here today?  That people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.  Not only do you pal around with drug dealers Sarah Palin, you have raised alcohol and drug abusers, not to mention a thief of a son now in the army.  Hope you do a better job with the new grandkid!

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